Food Franchise

Archive for the ‘Coffee Franchise’ Category

My wife is a Dunkin Donuts fanatic and will happily drive for miles in order to enjoy her morning coffee and donut, even if it means burning a few gallons of gas in the process. She would be the ideal candidate to open up a Dunkin Donuts franchise even though it is unlikely there would be any monetary profit. I know she would have her own methods in operation that may differ from your regular Dunkin Donuts outlet. She may decide not to open the store until she first had her fill of coffee and donuts. I would expect that she would fill the trays with her favorite Boston Cream donuts regardless of what the potential customers may demand.

Dunkin Donuts is an obsession she has to fulfill on a daily basis. Drinking DD coffee is a matter of life and death and has resulted in some serious situations as she seeks to satisfy her craving. She refuses to be caught in traffic jams on her way to the nearest DD outlet eighty miles from home. Running red lights is seen as a necessity in order to pick up her morning coffee and Boston Creams. Crossing the median on a highway is no big deal for the woman who lives for Dunkin Donuts. She has even been known to outrun State Troopers and ambulances en route to her next Dunkin Donuts fix.

Opening a Dunkin Donuts franchise would be a dream come true for my wife and would be all she ever needs in life. Some people love playing golf, or going on cruises, or climbing mountains. My wife has a love for visiting Dunkin Donuts. This is her whole life. She knows where every outlet is in the USA and has been to most of them. She has organized a Dunkin Donuts vacation for next year where she hopes to visit three outlets every day for two weeks. She even called our first son Dunkin and then named our next son Donut. She tells me I am strange because I like to play golf and is offended when I tell her she is obsessed with Dunkin Donuts.

Whenever our anniversary comes around, I buy her a large bag of Dunkin Donuts coffee and a dozen Boston Creams. She buys me a dozen golf balls. Her obsession is having quite an effect on our marriage as she spends her evenings preparing to leave on her morning trip to DD. I’m awakened every morning at four-thirty as she gets showered and dressed to leave for her morning coffee in another state. She doe not return home until early evening and starts the process all over again.

She even assaulted me on one occasion when I made the mistake of returning home one day with some Krispy Kreme donuts and a cup of coffee from a gas station. I will never do it again! Dunkin Donuts franchises are certain to grow if my wife has anything to do with it. I can guarantee she will open her own Dunkin Donuts franchise one day. I cannot guarantee she will allow anyone to buy anything from it as she pours gallons of coffee down her throat and stuffs her face with all the Boston Creams she can make.

Not Any More! Ive come a long way since then, have an incredible college social life – and more girls than I know what to do with! (Read about how YOU can do the same, on my Blogger blog: Bachelor Dating Guide Exploit. Or just look at the Bio Box below this article.)So lets get to it. Here are 7 of the best places to pickup girls. Ive listed them starting with common places (lots of women), to uncommon (a bit harder to do the pickup, but higher quality women).Ok, I had to start with the place every guy thinks of first. But bars are not the best places to pickup women. Not the best setup. Not the best women. And one of the toughest pickup environments around.The Key: Choose your spot.All night, people will be cramming to get past you as they try to order their drinks in the chaos. And half of those people will be WOMEN!#6: The Mega-MallWomen love to shop. Thats a fact. So it just follows that anytime you go to the mall, theres bound to be lots of women there.Do your research beforehand. Go to the Mall at different times of day, and different days. Walk around and see what kind of “pickings” are available. (Also, youll find the best spots where women tend to congregate.)And speaking of Malls…If you dont know what these are, take a sniff of the air – youll find them! These are the places that sell bath oils, shower gels, body lotions – all in cute little pre-packaged assortments, with a ton of different fragrances all with cute sounding names. Women cant get enough of this stuff.Personally, I think its kinda dumb to frequent a shop that just sells coffee. Isnt that what donut shops are for? But after a long, “tough” day of shopping, women love to drop all their bags and relax with a coffee/tea. Theyre bored, theyre tired, and theyd just love some company. Try asking her if her shopping “war” was successful – then be prepared to spend the next hour reviewing her “captives”.Franchise Bookstores: Any bookstore works, but the big franchises attract women like a magnet (think Barnes & Noble). Especially on the usual dating nights and weekends, when a women who doesnt have a date that week, can easily occupy herself for an entire evening, book-browsing.Once again, do your research beforehand. In every section that women frequent, pick one book (preferably a new best-seller), and get familiar with it.
There are 5 great locations for you, for picking up women. But there are even better places for pickups – where the Hottest girls go! For the #2 and #1 pickup locations, read the next article in this article series (see my blog in the Bio Box below). Or just go to: http://bachelordatingguideexploit.blogspot.com

Having worked in the armed forces for years it can be difficult to know what to do regarding work once you have left. It is easy for some who have the necessary skills and contacts to go immediately into employment but for others there is a large gap between leaving and finding the right job.

A lot of people in the ex services are looking towards franchising as a good option, they have the money to invest (retirement gratuity funds or savings), the self motivation and dedication to work which has been instilled in them from years of discipline and hard graft.

The advantages of choosing the franchising option are immediately obvious in that you are buying into an already successful business where the returns are noticeable, you are your own boss but at the same time have an upper management to keep you in the right direction and the return on investment is one which can set you and your family up for life.

It may be that you want to use your existing skills as a base for the type of franchise you are buying into and as there are a multitude of options out there, whether it is retail, automotive or trades & industry, there will always be an option tailored just for you.

Even if you want to branch out into a completely different area than you are used to, there are many franchise opportunities out there that offer extensive training and ongoing support. It is in the franchisors best interest to have you make a success of your new business.

Before diving in head first, it is always best to research the opportunities available to you, there are many franchised businesses out there and not all succeed. If possible always ask the franchisor for a list of franchisees whom you may contact. Try to get some negative feedback from the franchisee, whilst of course the franchisor is very likely to have given you a list of the most successfully run franchises you should still be able to learn a few of the pitfalls which they encountered when they first started.

When talking with the franchisor, remember they are not your employer and this is not an interview, do not be bullied by them because they need you as much as you need them. If you feel at all pressured by them into buying their franchise then maybe it is a sign that you should look elsewhere. For every coffee franchise there are several other similar options available. It is your savings you are investing so take the time to find the best opportunity available for you.

UK Franchise Directory Franchise Information Resource

There are three kinds of people that drink coffee, addicts, casual sippers, 16 year old ADD kids, farmers, actually that’s four, actually bus drivers, big rig operators and. Well, you know what I am not going to make this article about all the different types of people that drink coffee. Instead I am going to tell you about my experience with coffee. Which I know of course can either be really boring or totally fascinating directly proportional to how many cups you drank this morning.

I grew up with parents that were addicted to coffee. Every morning they would wake up early and make a pot and share it before they went to work. When they got home in the evening they would brew some more up again. I remember watching that dumb foldger’s commercial “The best part of waking up” and thinking “That is like so true about my family” In one of the videos a soldier comes home from service and brews his parents up a pot before they wake up. This of course inspired me at a young age to wake up at the butt crack of dawn and brew coffee before my parents, in order feed their addiction. This was before the onslaught of the Starbucks franchise. Back then paying 1.55$ for a cup of coffee was completely outrageous. Times have changed.

Personally I had always thought the stuff was gross. And actually I never touched a cup of coffee until I was about 19 years old. At nineteen I went to work for Starbuck’s. You might think that I am going to go into a long spiel now about how Starbucks is some sort of evil empire but the truth is actually quite different. In retrospect Starbuck’s was one of the best college jobs I ever had. The work was not very difficult and after you had risen through the ranks somewhat there was a real sort of pseudo art to making a good cup of coffee not to mention if you got into making lattes and mochas. I did have to wake up early to open the store but I found out in a hurry that coffee really helps you do that. This is when I started drinking coffee by the gallon.

Coffee then for me was a magic potion. I would go out with my friends and stay up all hours of the night. I would then go back home sleep for two hours go to work and just drink a couple of cups of coffee in order stay up, or I would pull a couple shots of espresso thinking I was being really cutting edge. I soon learned that regular old morning blend coffee usually has more caffeine then like 3-4 shots of espresso. Knowing that I really started to appreciate coffee a lot more.

There is a popular saying that goes like, “Smile and the world smiles with you.” There is no doubt that a beautiful smile radiates infectiously to others. Let us put an emphasis on the word beautiful. How does one possess a beautiful smile? Of course you have to agree that heredity cannot be singled out. Lifestyle and attitude also play part in the maintenance or even having a sweet smile.

But what if you can not incorporate a do-it-yourself way to your busy lifestyle so as to have a smile makeover transform your simple smile into a rather healthy and “infectious” one? In this case, a professional treatment by a dentist might be the best remedy.

The following article provides an appraisal of a professional teeth whitening system usually provided and conducted by dentists.

Professional teeth whitening is a technique by which whitening compounds that are peroxide based are applied to teeth by dentists within their dental office. Lazer teeth whitening is the common practice of dentist to whiten teeth stained by nicotine, food, or even liquids.

Peroxide-based whitening compounds usually depend on two factors:

1.    The concentration of peroxide in a whitening compound
2.    The amount of time a whitener is put in contact in the surface of the teeth

Laser teeth whitening utilize a higher concentration of whitener for a shorter period of time, say for hours or for few appointments.

The whitening compounds and associated equipment (bleaching light or laser) used by dentists are normally purchased from a manufacturer as a franchise, system, or simply as a kit. In fact, many manufacturers have provided national campaigns about their whitening products and equipment, and dentists play a vital part in the promotion of a manufacturer’s product because they are actually using the product to their patients. 

Below is a list of some professional whitening products dentists and professionals choose. (The kind of bleaching lazer or light is enclosed in parentheses.)

1.    BriteSmile (gas plasma light/light emitting diode)
2.    LaserSmile (a Biolase laser)
3.    LumaArch (halogen light)
4.    Rembrandt Sapphire (plasma arc light)
5.    Zoom! (metal halide light)

Each of these whitening systems has its own degree of effectiveness. However, we can summarize three standard steps when using these types of products.

1.    The dentist will compare the tooth shade of the patient with a tooth shade guide.
Surface stain and tartar are removed before determining the tooth shade. A dentist needs to document a pre-treatment and a post-treatment tooth shade to assess the effectiveness of the whitening treatment system applied. A dentist may make use of variously shaded tooth-shaped porcelain tabs and compare them to a patient’s set of teeth and each match is documented. Some dentists even take pictures of a patient’s teeth before and after the treatment.

Flour of pumice is used to polish each tooth to ensure that stains are completely removed.

2.    The dentist will isolate teeth being whitened.

Bleaching agents, normally peroxide-based, can irritate or even damage delicate tissues within and inside mouth of patients. To protect these tissues, dentist use dental dam barriers.

Thin sheet of latex punched with a hole for each tooth and dental gels painted around each tooth are used to protect teeth being treated. When the latter is used, a cheek retractor, cotton rolls and gauze are used to make sure that the patient’s lips and cheeks are held out of the way. Afterwards, these items are simply peeled off.

3.    Bib covering and eye protection are placed on the patient.

Unexpected things can happen. Bibs are worn by patients to protect their skin against the caustic nature of these bleaching agents.

Eye protection is also placed to ensure that whiteners will not irritate even the eyes of the patients. Moreover, it is a common knowledge that an intense bleaching light or a lazer used to activate the components of bleaching compounds could cause eye damage.  

What else can I do if I have undergone professional whitening?

To get rid off typical stains—the coffee and cigarette variety—can be washed away alternately with professional whitening systems. Here are some additional tips:

Munch some apple and drink water afterwards.

Brush after every meal to have a less chance of keeping stains on your teeth. Brush gently but effectively by using a dentist-approved toothpaste and toothbrush. Practice the correct ways of brushing.

Researches on dentistry note that an electric toothbrush removes a plaque percentage that is about 98.2 percent.

Gargle with a mouthwash that has an antibacterial action. This practice will surely will reduce stain-catching plaque.

Don’t depend on quick-fix remedies like using super-whitening tooth polishes because these also make the enamel of teeth thinner. And as enamel gets thinner, more of the dentin will show off making your teeth appear as heavily stained.

To put it simply, here are some reasons why or why not choose professional whitening systems.

1.    The effect can be seen even instantly.

2.    The whitening can be completed in just a few appointments (possibly even just one).

3.    Professional teeth whitening remedies cost more than do-it-yourself teeth whitening items.

Hope this article brightens up your smile!

The single item that often takes the biggest bite out of any business budget is advertising. Building an image, increasing your name recognition, engraving your business on the minds of your customers – promotional products are an excellent means to do any of the three, and more. If you own or manage a Bed & Breakfast or small inn, you can’t dip into the deep pockets that franchise owners can access. You need to find economical ways to

1. increase your bookings
2. bring customers back again and again
3. fill your inn on typically slow weeks and seasons
4. increase name recognition
5. thank your customers for their patronage
6. Promotional products can be used to further many of these aims. When you take the time to work out a marketing plan for your business, you can take steps toward making it the successful business you always dreamed it would be.

The first step toward making your bed and breakfast more successful is to define your goals. Break them down into achievable steps. You may decide, for instance, that you can increase your profits by booking weeks that your facility is usually vacant, or that your goal is to get at least 80% of your customers to book again next year.

Once you’ve decided exactly what you want to achieve, you can start brainstorming ideas and ways to make them happen. In many cases, you can turn for ideas and help with those aims to a company that specializes in creating marketing and promotional products. They have the experience and the knowledge to offer suggestions and advice. Here are a few thoughts and ideas about using promotional products for different purposes to get you started brainstorming.

Increase your bookings with promotional products
Bed & breakfasts and inns are popular destinations for honeymooners. Reach out to that market by advertising in bridal magazines, or make partnerships with other businesses that provide wedding services. Offer a special for honeymooning couples – perhaps a chilled bottle of wine with your own promotional label for their first night. At the same time, don’t forget those that make referrals to your business. Reward those important partners with a remembrance or small token of your appreciation.

Increase repeat bookings.
Repeat bookings are the bread and butter of the hospitality industry. Guests will return if they fondly remember their time with you – and if you let them know that you value the relationship with them. One of the best ways to promote those good feelings is to touch base with them between stays. Holiday remembrances are one effective way to remind your guests of their stay with you and get them started thinking about another visit. One very effective promotional product of this type – a holiday calendar that features photos of the attractions around your area.

Fill your inn on typically slow weeks with promotional products.
Off season prices are one way to encourage guests to book rooms during the off season. Promotional products can also serve as an incentive, both for early bookings and for booking during off season weeks. Choose promotional business gifts that can be used during your guests’ stay – and then taken home with them. Embroidered terry robes with the inn crest on the pocket or a picnic basket packed with lunch for an afternoon picnic are two ideas that you could use.

You can use small promotional products as thank you gifts when your guests leave, or to increase name recognition – often with the same gift. When your guests leave at the end of their stay, for instance, send them off with a fresh coffee for the road in a promotional travel mug – and a promise to always have the coffee on when they return.

For additional information on advertising gifts, corporate gifts or promotional items then why not check out the leading promotional gift suppliers online today and start to make big savings.

Business franchising arrangements are usually conducted on the basis of a particular geographic area or territory. The franchisee breaks up the licensing of his business between different franchising territories, to ensure there’s no overlap of competition between franchises and to geographically grow the business nation wide or even world wide. Usually, the territory you are assigned is yours with exclusivity against any other business franchising agent that might otherwise move in to your area. This ensures your business franchising opportunity is given a chance to grow within your local area without having to compete with other franchisees. But how important are business franchising territories, and does it matter which territory you are assigned?

Business franchising territories are a handy way of dividing up franchising licenses. Rather than sending a dozen franchisees out into the world without consideration as to where they would operate would be difficult, and thus business franchising territories can be a great way to divide up the rights and responsibilities of each particular franchise. Business franchising territories are also beneficial for the franchisees, as a means of confirming their particular operating area and on their rights and responsibilities as regards that geographic area.

Business franchising territories, although obviously important from a practical point of view, are absolutely critical to the success of your business. If you were selling, say, cups of coffee to passing pedestrians, the territory you’ve been assigned will determine whether you can shift 100 or 10,000 cups every morning, depending on the physical number of people in the area – it’s that important to your business success. But in a number occasions, franchisees are given no choice over the exact territory of their business franchising agreement. In the event that there is a choice, it’s important to research which area would be most beneficial to the success of your business, and to come up with solid business reasons for selecting a particular territory.

Take this one step further, and before signing up to any business franchising agreement conduct some market research within the territory you will be assigned. Get down to the area and ask passers by whether or not they’d like to see your franchise in the area, and whether or not they’d be likely to make use of your franchise, were it located in that territory. That way, you can become more clued up about the potential market within your particular territory to determine whether or not your business franchising agreement will provide good value for money.

Business franchising territories are obviously an important part of the business franchising agreements, and they can also make a significant difference to the success or failure of your business. Where a choice of territories is available, it’s perhaps best to consider your options carefully, and it’s certainly a crucial consideration when reviewing any business franchising opportunities. However, provided there is a market available within your local area for the product or service offered by the business franchising license, you should be able to make the most of any territory to which you buy business franchising rights.

Sign making – you’d think it would be an easy career to be in. After more than 10 years of working on 3 continents, doing my primary training and experience working in Australia, then flying back to the US to work for one of the biggest companies in Seattle making .. what else … coffee shop signage, I came back to Vancouver, Canada. Found myself a nice job working for a company in a town about an hour or so Eat of the main city, and life was good. The pay was ok – nothing to write home about, but I got my bills paid, and had cash left over – so really, not much else mattered.

Now the shop I worked for was a family business. The mom and pop ran the business, He was the installer, She ran the books, and their son ran the office itself. There was a steadily rotating crew of helpers; painters, installers, and welding fabricators during my 2 year tenure with this company. We probably went through 6 installers in that time – not a good sign. The company was running as a franchise to one of the biggest Sign shop franchises in North America and as a result, had to pay about $10,000 a month in fees. This, combined with payroll, meant we had to be clearing about $65,000 a month in gross sales. Not an easy task as I found out.

Once I had been working with this company for a while, I realised there were a lot of underlying stresses. The parents were verbally abusive towards their son, he was constantly put down and they did nothing to give him good spirits, or even compliment him when he did a good job with a client or a signage quote. The poor guy was also going through a very messy divorce, and he had to take care of his 4 year old son. So he had a really bad time of it too. This fairly hostile environment translated into a difficult office climate. Lots of stress – and the slightest mistakes got blown right out of proportion.

Everything came to a head when they called me into the office just about 24 months after I had been hired to tell me that I was being let go because my position had been only temporary and the person who had it before had gone on maternity leave, and now wanted her job back. It was a shock, because we had just cleared a $15k job for a trailer that I had helped secure, so I had figured they would keep me around, the climate was good for work, money was flowing, and the company was expanding.

They let me go – and I sat on unemployment for a couple of months before I began to look around for other work. I was used to changing jobs due

In the summer of 1954, four hundred wealthy businessmen were invited to hear about a joint venture proposal. Hands were shaken, coffee was served and for the next few hours, behind closed doors, P & L statements expected the future of how this venture would play out.

History would show that this was one of the sweetest deals ever accessible in business and those that embraced this idea would make thousands of times their original investment … all that joined the venture would make millions.

This was not a naive group of wet-behind-the ears dreamers, awestruck by the thought of sudden riches, or easily swayed by impression.

No, this was a hard-nosed bunch, used to to dealing with bankers and politicians.

Here were the captains of their industry, being offered the deal of a lifetime. Their reaction is what is fascinating. How many jumped at the deal?

How many of those original 400 had the foresight to run with this deal … and beat out the competition?

As it turns out, exactly three.

The creator of this idea – ever the businessman – understood; “After all,” he says, “all we were offering them was a name, a set of plans, and a dream!”

A name, a set of plans, and a dream… The deal was a simple one: $500 down and about $5 per day was all they had to pay for the rights to use a name and a set of plans … to make the dream of a lifetime come true.

Who were this industrialist and what was he selling?

You may not recognize his name but you certainly know his company. Today, it is one of the most recognized brand names in the world.

Side Note: Within three years this company went public with a $3.9 million stock offering and suddenly, everyone wanted in on the deal.

Those that didn’t jump on board wound up standing in a long line, waiting their turn.

Who was this guy?

Opportunity: “…Opportunity comes often, it knocks as often as you have an ear trained to hear it, an eye trained to see it, a hand trained to grasp it, and a head trained to use it.”

This quote is from “Twenty Tips for Success” by Mr. Kemmons Wilson, founder Holiday Inn, America’s Innkeeper

In 1951, Kemmons Wilson was on vacation with his family and became disgusted by the motels of the era that charged $2 extra for children, “We have five kid’s, so our $6 room became a $16 room,” he said. One year later, he opened his first Holiday Inn where children could stay for free and families were assured of consistently clean, safe, rooms. Very soon, Holiday Inn setup the first nationwide motel computer worries network and then, everyone wanted in on the deal.

“From that point on it wasn’t a question of trying to sell franchises – it was a question of allocating them.”

The important point [call it the secret] from this meeting?

Really, there are two important lessons. First, when the risk is small – don’t hesitate. In this case; $500 for the use of the Holiday Inn name plus five cents per room per day – about $5 a day on a 100 room motel – was a pittance compared to what investors made on this deal.

But the biggest reason for Holiday Inns’ success was a risk taker founder, backed by hard working no nonsense franchisees that were willing to invest millions in the first all over the country computer reservations network.

A centralized computer system was impressive that the rest of the lodging industry didn’t have at the time. At that time the competition was a bunch of small independently owned roadside motels too small and scared to make the chief deal needed to win … so they lost and the people that joined Mr. Wilson became very big winners.

So, the biggest [secret] from this meeting? When you are first to the market with a new technology backed by people that won’t “give up”, then don’t be afraid to take a risk and go for it!

About 1,500 years ago, a 16 or 30-something woman named Justa Grata Honoria was found flagrant d’ellicto with her employee, Eugenius, a stewardoverseerchamberlaincomptroller (upper management), by her younger brother, Valentinian III (CEO – West Division), and his escorts (mopes) in a palace located in Ravenna, Italy. Val got mad and took it out on Eugenius, had him killed (strangled, most say, by a mope), a factoid of absolutely no historic importance until you learn what this event set in motion.

But, first, back to the sex. Honoria and Eugenius mixing it up was not exactly what made Val mad. It was not a “dishonor my sister” thing. (If you were a mucky-muck, having sex with an employee was not politically incorrect at this time; indeed, having sex with just about anyone, your friends, their friends, your mopes, their mopes, your relatives, their relatives, your employees, their employees was okay as long as it wasn’t politically motivated.) (Val, in fact, did it all the time and his intention was politically motivated, not inherent friskiness. His management style was Manage by Humiliation and Furor, not Objective, so he had sex often with his employees’ wives and told everyone about it to besmirch their reputation and make everyone feel bad. Some say it was too much caffeine; others say it was stress because of the Scourge of God, who we’ll get back to later; still others say, he was just a snake.)

He didn’t want Honoria to mess around because he had gotten her a good civil service job in the government when he became CEO – West Division. Her job title was Virgin. Yes, this was a job in the 4th century in Rome and only noble born females could apply. (The thought process behind this job title was this: A woman didn’t need experience to fulfill the duties and responsibilities, she was born not knowing how.) Employees had immediate tenure, lots of benefits, lots of perks. The only drawback was you had to die to quit.

Word had gotten to Val in Rome that his elder sister, Honoria, was doing somebody else’s job with Eugenius in Ravenna and was pregnant. His chamberlain, Heraclius, who was in charge of Family Spying – Ravenna Division amongst his other duties, told him. Val set off with an escort to Ravenna. Upon arrival, he yelled at the sentries enough to make them stop sentrying and went right to Honoria’s bedroom. He watched them do the dirty deed for a bit, then had Eugenius killed by a mope (and Goar, too, who was Honoria’s chamber guard, a Nubian she had purchased a while back…you just couldn’t get good guards in those days)

Some say Val beat up Honoria either before or after he had Eugenius killed, but others make no mention of this sibling fight. I suspect he didn’t. He was labeled feeble, while he was growing up (It ran in the family.) and this condition continued all his life. Let’s say he didn’t beat her up, rather, he yelled and verbally abused her, because that’s what feeble people do. They use what they got.

Actually, they didn’t get along and never had even when they were kids. (Elder sisters were put on this Earth to trouble younger brothers, I think. It’s good for them, makes them strong men.) Their mother, Galla Placidia, a single parent since Val was 6, just couldn’t make them play nice, but she was a distant mother, truth be told, very busy with her political work and philanthropic work, a real volunteer type woman, not too good at nurturing. Their father, Constantius III, a good guy, hard worker, Chairman of the Board, died young, when the kids were toddlers, and they had had a tumultuous early life, moved from place to place after their father died, and were raised by slaves and servants, none of whom was given the duty of bridling Honoria’s ferocity or strengthening Val’s feebleness. The unspoken question is why was Val CEO, not Honoria, but we’ll get to that later.

Val allowed Honoria to get dressed and her slaves and servants cleaned up the mess that Goar’s stabbing (or shooting with an arrow, no body’s sure which, but in either case, Goar bled and Eugenius didn’t) made and took away Goar and Eugenius to where ever dead people were taken before they were buried. He may or may not have turned down her offer to stay, have a cup of Starbuck’s latest boutique blend, Black Apron Exclusive Aged Sumatra Batch #4. (I have this fact on good authority, Dear Reader.). I’m sure he yelled more. Then, he and his escorts left, went back to Rome.

A couple of days later, a bunch of folk arrived from Rome to spy on her and report back to Val. Their news wasn’t good. She was either in a dither or walking around slovenly and showing even more signs of pregnancy or all three.

He sent her a scroll terminating her employment at the Virgin Agency effective immediately or retroactively, no one knows which was more legal, at the time of the dirty deed or after the dirty deed or at will of the employer. Breaking and entering was the grounds for termination.

So, there she was 16 or 30-something, unemployed for the first time in her life, maybe pregnant and unmarried, maybe not pregnant, but surely reverting to ferocious behavior which could be treasonous words against her brother, the CEO – West Division. She called her Mother.

From a distance, her mother, Galla Placidia, told Honoria to stop yelling, opined that Eugenius hadn’t made a good impression on her the few times she had met him, stated a stewardoverseerchamberlaincomptroller and guard were easy to replace, in fact she’d call the Servants Slaves R Us place she saw advertised in the paper a couple of days ago, and said she’d talk to Val about a new job.

Which she both did and didn’t.

She told Val to wait a bit before he did anything because Honoria could be pregnant, not a good thing for Val’s CEO – West Division job, since Honoria was the eldest child and her children would take precedence over Val and his kids for the CEO – West Division job, the very reason Honoria’s former job was at the Virgin Agency. Val knew his Mother was a smarty pants and he listened to her advice all his life. In fact, that’s why he was set up to be CEO, not Honoria and not his Mother before him. Women in his family were given an honorary title “Augustus,” which was similar to Your Royal Highness, but not quite, but couldn’t be employed as a CEO. It was gender discrimination for sure, but that’s the way things were in Rome in the 4th Century time. So, Galla Placidia dealt in the background, her volunteer political hobby, the one that took up so much of her time, telling feeble Son Number One what to do and what not to do politically. If Honoria were pregnant and had a boy child, she would become the power behind the CEO – West Division, and Galla Placidia would be left with only philanthropic volunteer work to take up her time.

The “take one step at a time” approach made sense. Nepotism was normal in 4th century Rome and it turns out their (unfeeble) Grandfather, Theodosius, a previous Chairman of the Board, had set up a nunnery in Constantinople and called it Sisters of Theodosius (what else?). This would be a good place to watch and wait to see if Honoria was pregnant. If she was pregnant, the child’s gender would determine what to do next. If she wasn’t pregnant, she would have a new job, Nun, with immediate tenure, no benefits or perks (and she would have to die to quit, too), a good punishment for all the trouble she had made for him all their lives.

So Val called the Head Sister and told her a new Nun was arriving soon, and she complied, of course, and redid her organization chart. Either he or their Mother called Honoria (No one knows.) and told her about her a new job. She complied, too, but no one knows if she was willing or unwilling. I suspect she was unwilling, but couldn’t do anything about it. To sweeten the pie, he offered a relocation package, sent packers and movers (more mopes) to Ravenna and they moved Honoria to Constantinople.

Although Honoria was allowed to take her eunuch, Hyacinthus, with her and all her nice clothing and jewelry and pets to the Nunnery, about 1,280 kilometers from Ravenna (80 miles away), she did not adjust well. At orientation, she learned the new job entailed prayer, fasting, and lots of vigils. Celibacy was not too terrific, either, after what she had had with Eugenius. She may have been pregnant or may not have been pregnant. No one knows for sure, but some sources say she had a child that was strangled at birth, so we have to believe she had a male, if this is true.

She stayed there 12 -14 years, so I guess it took 12-14 years before Val was sure she wasn’t pregnant…remember he was feeble…or he got tired of the Head Sister’s calls complaining about Honoria’s annual reviews, which were lousy. He called his Mother.

Galla Placidia had been in the communications loop all along, receiving BCC from the Head Sister, and direct complaints from Honoria about the prayers, fasting, and vigils for the past 12 – 14 years, so Val’s call came at a good time. She came back from her distance, and said, “Okay, okay, nunnery’s not for Honoria, either. Frankly, Val, her resume stinks. First fired from Virgin, now laid off from Nun. We’ve got to get her some vocational guidance counseling.”

And so they did.

Galla Placidia called Bishop Milo, a friend of their family, who did counseling as a side line, when he wasn’t bishoping. He was a good guy, did counseling for barter, and had known the family for years. His barter was often to spruce up his bishopric, build a church somewhere or renovate a church somewhere, which, Galla, a wily woman, figured, could be paid from state funds, not personal funds, if Val and his bookkeepers messed around a bit with the balance sheet and put it in a foot note as a donation to charity, so the Rome’s SEC wouldn’t notice the dispersion of funds for their family’s personal usage.

Bishop Milo went to see Honoria in Constantinople and talked with her quietly, gave her a couple of standardized test to determine her strengths and weaknesses in the job market, a tight job market for professions and middle- and upper managements, although sales positions in retail were strong (Women, bless their hearts, were in a shopping mode.). All in all economic conditions in Rome and its environs weren’t so good. They were on red alert all the time because of a guy, Attila the Hun, nicknamed the “Scourge of God,” who was in Gaul (kind of France, kind of Germany at that time) and who shouldn’t have been there but was trying to be there because he wanted to take over this land and build his own empire and take the job title CEO of Everything in this World. Gaul was close to what eventually would be Italy, but was now just called Rome. Everyone was nervous.

Sales associate was out of the question for Honoria because she didn’t have the patience or discipline to zip, button, and snap women into their togas all day long, Bishop Milo determined, and she was too ferocious to manage a toga boutique or a toga franchise.

So, he reverted to his pastoral educational background and soothed Honoria with enough platitudes to get her to stop raving and concentrate on the standardized tests. It didn’t work, and he left.

On the ride back to Ravenna, he had an epiphany, and when he got home, he called Galla. “Your kid is a mess,” he said. “She’s 28 (or 30 or 42 or 44), too, shall we say, “Lively” to spend her life in fasting, praying, and vigils, too sophisticated for a Nunnery, and too smart to report to anyone. Marry her off and she’ll be some one else’s problem. Now, about my fee…”

Galla called Val and asked him if he knew of any nice, quiet guy who’s in civil service, dull as a stick, easy to push around, from a very good family, middle age, unmarried or never married, and probably impotent or just not interested much in doing the dirty deed.

“I know the perfect one,” Val exclaimed. “Flavius Bassus Herculanus. He’s a Senator, bores me to tears when he speaks, can’t play poker worth a damn, and is nicknamed Senator Whatever. He’s friendless, a real shlepper.”

It’s not surprising that not much is known about Senator Whatever, who eventually became Consul just because of his tenure in the Senate. I believe he must have been delighted to finally obtain some positive attention from Val, and I’m sure he agreed immediately to become engaged to Honoria because he was lonesome what with all his personality defects and one physiological defect.

And so, Honoria and Senator Whatever became engaged via a memo from Val, which said “Effective immediately, Herc, you are engaged to my sister, Honoria. CC: Honoria, co Sisters of Theodosius,” and Honoria hit the ceiling.

When she stopped levitating, she wrote her resignation letter and sent it to the Head Sister. Then, she began looking through her Filofax for networking contacts, finally taking her career into her own hands, you might say, while listening to the equivalent of 4th century CNN reporting red alert news about that Attila guy camped out somewhere in Gaul. Since her Filofax was a mess, she listened to the red alert more closely. And, she put her predicament together with the main character, that Attila guy. He sounded rough, but she was ferocious… She called for Hyacinthus, her eunuch, and asked him to find out where in Gaul that Attila guy was camped out. He was clever, although not clever enough to have stopped his castration, but still clever. He did his research quickly, and reported to Honoria. She gave him a ring of hers and some cash she had laying around and told him to go to Attila and offer him a deal: If he would rescue her from a life of marriage to Senator Whatever, which included killing Val and his kids and taking over his job, she would help him become CEO of Everything in this World. Then, she either packed up and moved back to Ravenna or stayed at the nunnery in Constantinople or moved somewhere else in Constantinople, nobody knows which

Somehow, Hyacinthus got through to Attila.

Attila was tickled. Even Barbarians have a sense of humor. Certainly, Barbarians appreciate chutzpah. In Hun country (vaguely Hungary), where he was born, women just didn’t do this. He probably rolled his small, deep-seated eyes, a characteristics of his that everyone talked about, scratched his flat nose, pulled the few hairs in his beard, rubbed his swarthy complexion, scratched in his large head, flexed his broad shoulders, paced around (He had nervous energy.), then offered Hyacinthus a snack (of human flesh, another characteristic that everyone talked about), and called an informal meeting to tell everyone around him what Hyacinthus said. They sat around and shot the shit for a bit, catching up on each other’s this and that.

Then, he went back to business and told everyone who wasn’t supposed to know certain things to leave, including Hyacinthus.

The “Damsel in Distress” notion was about 800 years away, so no one could attach this label to Honoria’s offer. And, because they were Barbarians, they believed damsels were put on earth to distress. What Attila and his guys did understand was the phrase, CEO of Everything in this World, exactly what Attila’s management objective was. They bounced around a bunch of ideas and Attila’s Spin Doctor came up with this: Let’s say that Honoria is offering marriage to Attila, not asking for rescue. If we follow that thought line, then you know marriage comes with a dowry. A dowry can be a combination of money and assets. We get enough money from tributes. so, let’s go for assets…one half of Rome – West Division is reasonable.

Attila complimented him and called for his lawyer to draft a reply.

Then, he called Hyacinthus in and gave him his terse reply: Honoria, you’re my bride, effective retroactive to your betrothal to Senator Whatever. Bring me one half of Rome – West Division immediately. Attila PS What’s your sign?

Hyacinthus set off, back to Constantinople or Ravenna, sources are confused about where Honoria was at this time, but Hyacinthus knew. Attila sent a messenger to (another) Theodosius (not Grandpa), the current Chairman of the Board, with whom he had been doing business for years, (Paying tribute to Attila was a sideline of Attila’s, a way to get money and not have to use his hordes to lay waste to areas he could control.) and the guy Val reported to. Attila told Theodosius to tell Val to hand over Honoria, a new bride he had just taken, and one half of Rome – West Division as a dowry immediately.

Theodosius called Val and told him to send Honoria to Attila immediately, tell Senator Whatever he was no longer betrothed to Honoria, and to send Attila a great deal of money immediately to stop Attila from coming in person to collect the assets.

Val was hysterical and did what he always did when it came to Honoria. He got mad at Hyacinthus.

He sent a bunch of mopes to bring Hyacinthus from Constantinople or Ravenna to Rome and when Hyacinthus arrived, Val had him tortured and then beheaded him on legal grounds that he had participated in treasonous activity. That finished, he took a coffee break and called his Mother. “I’m gonna kill Honoria, too. You can’t stop me. She plotted treason.” he yelled over and over. Galla Placidia knew her son enough to know he wanted calming down, not sanction, so she calmed him down and he didn’t kill Honoria. No one knows exactly what they did next with and about Honoria because a lot of other stuff happened fast.

First, Theodosius inconveniently died, and a new guy, Marcian, was appointed or voted or took over as Chairman of the Board. He decided on a new style of management with Attila and that style was “No, I won’t pay tribute anymore. So there.” So, Marcian was preoccupied with Attila and the Honoria thing fell by the wayside, put in his abeyance bin.

Attila got mad at Marcian and gathered a new horde to set off for Rome, traveling through what would become France eventually, and doing horrible things that Barbarians do. He got to Italy and did horrible things, but didn’t get to Rome. Close to Rome, two Senators, Avienus and Trygetius, went to Attila’s camp near the south shore of Lake Garda and negotiated something (No one knows exactly what, but some sources say money was exchanged. Other sources say the two Senators came and made some agreement that Attila may or may not have accepted, then plague broke out in the area, food ran short (When you rape and pillage and ravage, all the crops get burned up.) and Marcian’s army was seen coming down the road to fight, not to pay tribute.). Attila left the building quietly with his bodyguard.

Honoria’s plight never came out of the abeyance bin, so I’ll tell you what happened next:

Honoria married Herc and both died of boredom and old age. You won’t be surprised to learn they had no children.

Val was killed long after this episode at the instigation of Favius Petronius Maximus (who became Chairman of the Board after Marcian and who decided that Val’s killing of his colleague, Aetius, a very good employee and long time friend, was the final straw in a lifetime of lousy annual reviews). This happened while Val was attending a chariot race. The assassin’s name is unknown. His widow, Lucinia (or Licinia) Eudoxia, married Max unwillingly.

Galla Placidia died when she was very old while attending a Junior League meeting.

Attila died a year after his retreat from the Rome of a nose bleed on his wedding night.